Setting the date

The fact that the name of this blog wasn't available as a URL created the dual fun of marriage puns, though I'd like to say again that DATE has absolutely positively nothing to do with anyone's big day. So no, this isn't about booking a chapel a year in advance. This is about the first step: getting a date.

The first thing I have to do is dispel one of the worst dating myths that we've all had beaten into heads (maybe especially those of us along the queer spectrum), and that's that you already have to be doing something date-y to find a date.

It's true that if meeting people face-to-face is your thing, you do actually have to leave the house every once in a while. However, you do not have to be in a bar, club, or restaurant to meet someone datable. Every interaction you have as an available person with the outside world is a chance to find your next date.

Going to the bookstore? If it seems sage to talk to the girl who's also perusing historical fiction, do it. At Starbucks between meetings? Maybe that cute barista thinks you're cute, too. Hell, if you rear-end someone in traffic and you want to exchange more than insurance information, go for it!

Broadening your dating horizons clears up a nasty condition that seems to plague daters everywhere. I'm sure this has been you at some point: you only go to one place - say, the sports bar on the corner - to meet new people, but you can't stand anyone you meet there or watching football games over cheap draft beers. You've created a self-fulfilling prophecy; namely, I can't find anyone who doesn't like football and bad beer. Conversely, if you like football and cheap beer, you shouldn't be hanging around your city's hottest nightspot hoping to run into the only other Jets fan in the place who also ordered a Corona.

Hey, Doc, when I do this I can't seem to find anyone I'd like to take out. My advice: stop it! Segregating finding new people into an activity unto itself and on top of that sorting yourself into the wrong category is by far the biggest barrier to finding a date for Friday night. To paraphrase a Klingon proverb I once read: if you seek ale, go into a bar. Take the initiative to find people that you'd at least theoretically like, since all you're doing is clogging someone else's dating filter when you compromise.

Does this mean I have to brush my teeth in the morning before I run down to the corner to buy the paper? Maybe, but what does it hurt? You're at your most attractive when you're comfortable, and you can't be comfortable when you're trying not to get dragon breath on anyone. Love may or may not fall into your lap, but your next date is almost sure to if you're ready at the drop of a bag of mulch to converse with your fellow organic gardening enthusiast.

You're single. You're looking. So why aren't you talking to the pretty woman in historical fiction? At least you've got an in.