Strength in numbers

If it's happened once, it's happened...actually, it's happened almost every time two people have ever gone on a first date with each other: the nerves get to one or the other of you and the night turns into an uphill battle not to grab for the Valium.

Kids, it's time for us to reconsider all this pressure: boy meets boy, boy asks boy out, boy agrees and then realizes he can barely crawl out from under his preprogrammed neurotic rock long enough to ask the waitress to leave off the shallots (and please, dear God, ask her to leave off the shallots).

Dear friends, trusted readers of this humble blog, I present the solution: group dating. It's not just for the prepubescent set anymore.

Don't get me wrong, this is part of my secret plan to take down the dinner and movie first date. (OK, not so secret.) You should, as I'm sure you're by now aware, do absolutely everything in your power to stay at least ten yards from the entrance to any food-selling establishment on your first date.

But the group date (not that you're dating the group - you're with me, right?) solves so much more. The pressure is on to be a superhuman version of yourself on a first date - funnier, more attractive, and more intelligent than you have ever been and any other person has ever been. There you are, unsure of how much of the conversation you'll have to keep up, if you'll be able to do it well, if the other person is going to have a vocabulary any larger than a bird in a gilded cage... The pressure can be enough to make you not even want to leave the apartment.

Enter the group date. Four or more people (the smallest option's really two more people, otherwise you're on a traditional date with a third wheel) who can share the responsibility around. A whole slew of people, say, roasting marshmallows or gazing up at the stars or playing tackle football or picking through the racks at a vintage clothing sale or...well you get the picture. More people to be interesting, to make obtuse references to Kant's proofs, to start the "what's your favorite Bjork song?" game, to laugh louder than you or be worse dressed than you. The worst that could happen is that you invite someone along who's better than you in every way and your date falls ass over teakettle for someone else. The best thing that happens is that this newfangled environment prevents you from turning into a quivering blob of "Play it Again, Sam" Jello.

You should make it's clear that it's a date. Call it a date. Sit next to her, hold her hand, and make sure you have enough time and space to whisper sweet obtuse references to Kant's proofs in her ear. But play along, join the group dynamic, and feel the pressure float away. While you're not busy trying to be Captain Date, the best parts of you just might shine through.