Wars require exit strategies - dates don't

All right, there's still a wee bit of time left to vote in the poll, but this boy's got places to go and people to see, so I'm calling the results: when asked, "On a first date I..." 14% each responded "always head to my favorite restaurant" and "never do the same thing twice," while 21% of you said create an exit strategy with a friend." Actually, by far most respondents (50%) said, "Date? Ha!" and, while I'm not sure anyone will follow this logic other than me, I thought of that as a throwaway answer, and SO you've inspired me, per our one-sided written contract, to write about one of the biggest sins in dating: creating an exit strategy.

I was actually not entirely sure people did this: I had my suspicions, but a big part of me wanted to believe that this was just something dateless people who wrote sitcoms did.

Rarely do I come down so hard on one side of an issue; I like, generally, to put my faith in a great big gray area, but, to put it mildly, creating an exit strategy with a friend is inexcusable.

Let's get the obvious out in the open. Planning a way to get out of a date means you have absolutely no regard for the other person, which raises the question: if you can't in good conscience commit to have one measly date with this person, why in everloving Hell did you say yes?

We're dealing with bare-bones common human courtesy here: when you agree to do a date, you're really agreeing to a whole lot more than showing up at a location in space at a particular location in time to briefly encounter someone else in the same spacetime location. You are, in fact, agreeing to show up to that location in spacetime and be fully present. You are there to learn about a fellow member of the human race, to share a part of yourself as a member of the human race, to listen and be listened to, and to share in some amount of human bonding.

This isn't really as touchy-feely as it sounds: it means in practical terms that you agree to be present in more than body when you go on a date. When you know that you can bail at any minute, you're not going to be listening to a single word the other person says - or, worse, you're going to be scrutinizing every breath for a reason to excuse yourself for a moment. It's not Iraq - it's a date, and it's supposed to be one of the nicest things about being a single human being.

Does he talk too much about his car? Can she not stop fidgeting with her badly-died hair? Maybe he spritzed on too much cologne or seems to be completely uninterested in the bat he's got in the cave? So what. If you're not enjoying yourself, resolve not to see this person again: don't expect one of your friends to help you embarrass someone with cunning and lies. Jumping down the escape hatch might really say more about you than it says about the other person - if you've judged someone right out within an hour, how do you ever meet anyone who's up to your standards?

And let's return to the initial question: namely, why in everloving Hell did you say yes? It's not just your date you're disrespecting in this case: you're demonstrating a great disregard for yourself as a person if the escape plan is necessary. Your time is yours to do with as you choose, so why would you ever go on a date you're decently confident ahead of time that you won't even be around to see end? Your time's valuable - because you can't sit through dessert if you're not in love yet - but not valuable enough to just say "no"?

You're under no obligation ever - did you get that? ever - to say yes to a date. Part of becoming the best dater you can be is learning to say and respect the word "no." Use it: it's your right and, in this case, your responsibility if you can't do any better than kind-of sort-of half-committing to forty five minutes at the same table or until you just can't stand it anymore.

But, in case you're still tempted, I'm going to make this one really simple for you: cell phones off during dates so that you can't possibly worm your way out. Unless your date pulls out a hand-grenade, there's no call for early withdrawal of troops.